You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize