I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
