No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
