Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
