Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
