3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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