He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
