my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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