I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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