Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
