worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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