uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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