I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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