So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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