she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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