she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
