I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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