I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
