You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
