Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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