dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
