forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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