Will you blow on my dice?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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