i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
