Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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