no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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