Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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