can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
