You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
