I heard we made out
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
