dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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