I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
