our cab driver is having phone sex.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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