I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
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I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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