He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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