So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
