He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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