I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
