He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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