Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
