My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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