The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
