chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
