At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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