Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
