I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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