we have officially lost it.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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