I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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