Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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