bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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