I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
