Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
