I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
