what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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