i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
