I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
