He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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