we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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