is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
