I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
