My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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