My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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