A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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