I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
