I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
